i dont want to mechanically change anymore, or give up on my humanity. or humanity at large. i forgive humanity, which is essential, because i forgive myself. i am flawed directly to my core; cut from the heel as a certain magickal school would have it. but its ok, because i know the big secret. the other humans are like me to. i just pretend less.
some people complain about how everything is so wrong with our world. some people run away from the world in some level or another. as unique as i feel, i do not desire a unique place in the world. i desire to participate in the currently unfolding universal. i dont want to travel the aethyr, or traverse outer space with my consciousness. i want to taste life in this body while i possess it, so that the quality of its aeternity is unsurpassed.
and what of love? my favorite topic.
perhaps im in some position underneath this solar/lunar moment, to discuss the love and war that is the dynamo of my uniqueness?
they tell you alternatively how to feel about your sex. whether you should liberate, deviate, repress or express. they tell you everything. ive never identified.
and love, that it is fleeting. rooted in attachments. something if not chemical (sexual), then the domain of poets and philosophers, sappy sentimentalists and the rest. 'sure its ok', they like to say. but make sure to recognize that it is a dualistic love/hate. be sure to recognize who you are really, and don't confuse one for the other. don't stay married. the flame will fizzle. when i say i love you i say i love all beings. when i say i love you i mean unconditionally.
well i say it is a veritable performative contradiction to throw it around as unconditional, when in the very saying do we sin against the true unconditional and loving nature in the backdrop of our reality.
i am sourced in unconditional love, it is true, but to think its something i have to do, something that i have to say in some equanimical way. something i have to demonstrate by not choosing who i think is worthy of my love.
i think there are a lot of souls suffering to love, and so they go fetal inside the bliss of the universe. i can not accept this, and i do not. im a man, not a pussy.
Unique Love is not True Love unless it is Permanent. does not fizzle into the backdrop of unconditional love/bliss, does not get reduced to the tantra's in sex, and emotion, and ego and the like. does not stop itself from causing great suffering or great spasms of divinity manifested. perhaps there has never been the chance of Aeternal and Unique, Personal and Permanent Love. if that is so, then i truly am unique. i am ready to cause a revolution in all that i can attempt to touch. but i know that it is not so. and i am spared such a curse as being consequential (perhaps.)
but i dont care for my results. i dont want for one certain thing, or some other thing. i just want to love. not love/hate, but love and war. not love and death. love and war. to Demand its Permanence as a testament to the AEternity of this body, and this life. i do not want for smaller loves, or freer loves. i want to be bound by choice and perforce of my nature to Love Totally, Permanently and without reservation the Chosen.
i understand duality, and my True Love is not so. i understand attachments and death, and cutting out the roots, and my True Love is not so. i understand sex and personality and timing and groove and biology, and my True Love is not so. i understand infinity, eternity, emptiness, and mass-less mass, and my True Love is not those things.
my True Love is True War. Shin Ken Sho Bu - to fight with real swords, or at least to the last blood. i have an excuse. im wired this way. a solar/martian/venusian conjunction in the ariesian fields of space. was it foretold 77 years before my birth ... was it?
i have enlightened my free will, and hence i have a destiny. i know them that are with me by things that drive but cant be described. and none of us shall die. but be lifted into the paradise that has been prepared. these things are real. these things are eternal. they are unique, and in a world of free will appear no different than your standard illusions. but this is no trick. beyond the silence of the immovable mountain, beyond the gnosis of the triple way; still farther, deeper, wider, larger; beyond that which is real; is destiny.
I have no reserve with myself because I already know that I'll meet you there. in the original star spate. wherefore these memories come, fractalled into my brain; telling me what is true, and what is Forever.
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