~~ ~~

the other alchemy
the way
not cast in phantom subtle forms
nor notions of intuitive dream truths

but here, now, and luminous

a world of men, retelling old tales
contradictive in performance
in their saying of the new

outer circles, outer circles
communities in rote refrain

the hidden college
a culture of more subtle;
participation

direct to the source
of this nun's way
stands not a lotus, but a plum blossom

8 extraordinary secret elixirs
tracing the creative cycle of 5
connecting original perfection
to human perception, to command

the point not far
balanced between before completion
and after completion


fire over water, a light in the abyss
soon, a flame under the ocean
the silver star of the wise
rising from the depths of space

twin dragons vie for the pearl

the aquatic dragon spits fire
the DNA emits light
Ipsissimus Laughs, Silent

no more to play with Gods and Godesses
in the gardens of drama and delight
no more to fight with angels and daemons
in the magnificent gnosis of heaven
no more to write of all sweet music
the singing and the symphony inside of my head

sitting on my plum blossom
the silvery cord touching my kidneys
attracted to the gentleness there
I sit with the Masters in my kausality, for a moment

doing what is always done

~~ Neptune and the Sister Sun ~~

Neptune is Kether, which is why he wields a trident. 
Kether is one, but a 3 fold none. 
The Hanged Man is here, at the top of your head. 
Poseidon astride a Unicorn 

Precession of the Equinox, the wise always know
is the Binary Star, dictating the Spirit of the Times, 
the Aeon, 3rd field, solar plex

This is also 3 fold, shin, spirit, zeitgeist
the belt of zodiacal time, the great year, 
dictated by the dance between our sun and his sister twin

Kether is mem? surely you jest?
mem final is terra, malkuth

kether is in malkuth, root
sandalphon is in metatron

enoch is henochius
transmuted for the Aeon
success!

Performance, Monumental Effort, Passion

I arrived at a point a few years ago when I could no longer study Magick from a book. In fact, I went very quickly from a decade long period of absorbing information like a sponge, to being unable to even look at books for the most part. Even books I want to read, its like pulling teeth.

Eventually, and from what I understand this is a normal occurrence, you get to the point where there really isn't any difference between any concepts whatsoever. They become clothes, attitudes, artistic points of view.

This makes things terribly difficult when having any type of conversation oriented towards philosophy, spirituality, magickal systems and the occult, and most especially the current social, political, and ecological climate. After spending so much time understanding what is beyond the veils of body, mind, ego, and even certain conceptions of soul itself ... you constantly get pigeonholed into some category that the world and its culture is comfortable with. To continue to participate in society, it then becomes essential to perform within these roles.

To me, in my personal experience of this life, this is a monumental and necessary effort. Living in the comfort of high realization is distasteful to me, and as I am coming out of this process, I am starting to realize just how difficult it can be to give up the truth to manifest the truth in terms that people can understand. This requires patience on a scale I am hard pressed to cultivate. 

The hardest thing for me, is that transparency to gnosis means allowing the ego-self to be such as it is. The hard truth of growth is that the things we do not like about ourselves, try to cover up or "fix", are in actuality the vistas of energy which can be liberated to contain deepening levels of gnosis. This requires a radical amount of courage, a radical amount of passion.

Something else I have discovered, is that amongst realizers in any system, there is a longing. Both beautiful and terrible. This deep, even transcendent longing, pours out from a heart that wants nothing more than to increase the light and divinity expressed by humanity. And this can be cultivated through contacts out in the universe, or deep personal resources ... and in the end they are no different. 

There is only process. There is only what is happening. And even as I write such things, I can't believe I am saying what everyone has always said about it. The hardest thing is that the words can not do justice to the actual reality of reality. Even this post is little more than illusion, with some grain of the truth alive and thriving behind the rhetoric.

The conclusion then, is style. Performance is doing what you should; practice. And no matter what, there isn't anyone that can provide answers to personal style. Personal style must be developed to express a universality that is extant in all things and no thing. You can't even describe to yourself what this means let alone describe it to someone else or try to show them their own depth.

There can only be pointing out. And even though we may be completely different in the illusions we weave in our expression of deep gnosis, deep divinity; what is always true is that those who know can recognize one another. This is the most inexplicable thing. The consequence of this is that you seek out (or attract) people who are realized, but completely disagree with the way you describe things. Its an amazing thing, because its not personal. It can't be taken personally because the recognition behind the illusion is there, and the fact that individual rhetoric and the mental constructs we use to support the manifestation of our realizations completely conflict with one another, is beautiful.

So, it becomes an amazing chore to absorb new intellectual information. The only information needed is the experimental data that comes from actual experience. There are no systems anymore, save for the transparent gloss that keeps the ego in some sort of functional poise. Integration of new information alters this gloss, but the process becomes fluid and not mechanical. It becomes energetic, plastic.

Even this post amounts to little more than self-serving masturbation ... its only redeeming quality being that perhaps the sharing of such 'feelings' and 'thoughts' could somehow bring clarity to someone somewhere. 

And that my friends is the true wonder working.

~~ The Morning Star Regression ~~

standing on a jutting cliff, the mermaid turns and slips away
dives down into the ocean saying shes so sorry she can't stay
the foam of the thundering sea is a pounding and rushing unearthly green
the purple rock cliff face majestic, pale like her skin with a heavenly gleam

chase the wind; the light, through lifetimes and pastimes
chase the girl who runs away across Aeons and poetic rhymes

what gyroscope within the Real could underwrite such lovely trials?
so serious and not serious, such heart breaking delightful wiles
Ipsissimus rides the Dragon so that the light chases their behind
running away into darkest days,
filling time with universal mind

this whole life I've had this memory,
for a while thinking I saw it on TV
like a realistic animation
that is binding me to be free

so I walk into the underworld
and follow her right into the sea
just like a unicorn who knows
this is all that's meant to be
and with Sedna smiling at me,
her father now forgiven
we summon up a mighty dolphin song
until back from the Sea she is given

and so many ages of time have passed;
true ages, not some simple cycle
Anael, stella matutina, and the Taxiarch Archangel Michael

It is only ever a star who parts the sea, and now you have your sign

Da Da, Da Da, Da Da
Da Da
Da Da, Da Da Da Da Da Da
Da Da

~~ Under a Super Moon ~~

some night amidst some stretch of time
cloaked in grey and stormy mists
coquettish spirits of unforgiving feminine divine
teach me skills of tender trysts

who am I? who am I? who am I? who am I?
inquiry after release, let go to control
hold on to be free, focus out to know me
a chest emptying into void endless hole

im sucking it in, what this has to give
another pole to dance, there is no mask
there is no dancer, there is only laughter
only working towards some great task

and I have to ask, to the emptiness
and beg to bleed just a little more
I don't belong, no I don't run along
this thread of inherited and forgotten lore

what do I want? what do I want?
how do I know I'm here really?
my cycles, an orbit, energy recycles
energy returns, and a truth not nearly..

..so super, or sublime
as the taste of a life
without a story told
without holding back
non, anon, adieu
to you, another swoon
beneath a supermoon

Technical Record of the Wedding Ritual (3/31/12 - Zucker/Ortega) or "How to Bind Souls Together Without Really Trying"

Astrological Influences:

     During the time of the Wedding, Virgo (IX. Hermit) was rising in the East, Sagittarius (XIV. Art) was in the North, Gemini (VI. Lovers) in the South, and Pisces (XVIII. Moon) in the West.  Accordingly, via eastern medicine modality, the Kidney Meridian was active during the wedding, and in NOOS31 we take these hours as a container for the Sign Scorpio (XIII. Death).

Planetary Influences: 

     Three planets were in Retrograde, and it is precisely these illusory arseward dances that were leveraged on a specifically magical field.  Saturn was retrograding over the cusp of Libra and Scorpio; Mars was retrograde through Virgo; and Mercury was Retrograde through the cusp of Aries and Pisces.

Leverage:

   January 24th Began Martian Retrograde through Virgo, as well as Chinese New Year of the Water Dragon.  Mars rules Scorpio as well as Aries, so the influence of the Dragon through the container of XIII. Death was readily apparent. I began transformational meditations and disciplines with the intention of gathering this energy for the wedding.  In mystical conversation with the Saturnian Bnapsen, he said to me:

"I continue on in the same reality

but suddenly others can see me clearly

I was spinning in such a fashion

as to have an illusion re-enchant me

Suddenly there appears an Ocean of Time

a Queen of Energy, Wand & Flame

within what once appeared as impenetrable molten

A Martian Prince in wondrous retrograde" 

(recorded Saturday, January 28 at 7:31pm near Brooklyn)

     On February 7th, Saturn went Retro on the cusp of Scorpio and Libra during the Full Moon.  The Oracle at Damanhur was particularly affective to me during this time:

http://networkedblogs.com/tJ2WS

"The teacher is as a needle and the student is as thread" ~ Miyamoto Musashi, Go Rin No Sho (The Book of Five Rings)

     Also in particular, the references to Horus, Snake, and Death, in addition to other references with personal synchronic meaning guided me to the most likely of places to complete a search I began on that day for my ritual robes to wear during the wedding.  After much disappointment, and approaching my deadline of Valentine's Day to have the business in some fashion of order, I made contact with Damanhur, and the creation of potent magical artifacts had ensued according to schedule.

     Of course in any working of sincere intent, the harmonious side effects are many and profound, and cast lesser selves in transparent light by way of transcendence and enchantment.  In particular, this Saturnian charge (not yet fired) holds especial significance on many levels to myself, the Participants of the wedding, and of course the general state of things in the presently arising world.  As will become clear later, the whole point of the Ritual is involved with VII. The Chariot, and the process of transcendence via Martian energy carrying one over the Abyss and into the Realms of Divinity and Gnosis (see the Holy Qabalah and The Tree of Life).

     There is another component for the Mage, arguably the most important, which is that of initiation.  The disciplines maintained both contemplative and physical, purifying the body and mind to open to the reception of what is a Magical Tool, Weapon, or Artifact in the most traditional sense; in that the Artisan  (of high skill in magical art) can encode a pure transmission of some specific and pure energy(ies).  Since I myself do not have the skill of sewing with needle and thread, let alone designing clothes, it is required of me that I have a sincere mind in how and why I am using the completed Artifact.  In this lies initiation offered by the artifact itself, and an opportunity for internalization.

     On March 12th, one month later, Mercury went retrograde on the cusp of Pisces and Aries.  It was during this time that I began putting together the Ritual and working with The Bride to iron out the details.  All these gathered energies and effects are useless if not for a means of transmission.  Some referents will go completely missed and under the radar by most (it is these that have the most effect); others containing meaning that is esoteric and intuitively grasped by anyone paying attention (it is these that inspire); and still other passages, perhaps somewhat inconscient but still required so that the information we are transmitting through the ritual penetrates down even unto the deepest of spiritual depths (it is these that pacify).  Directly into the Underworld so that with a little bit of luck, even the ancestors present would feel our sincerity, offer their blessings, and be themselves thus purified and brought home.

     All energies gathered together, with spring having sprung, it was a simple matter of performance.

Flow:

VI. The Lovers and XIV. Art, are two extremely Alchemical processes in the Tarot deck.  They deal with mystical marriages and Alchemical weddings.  The North/South Axis was then composed of these influences, with the crucible of the temple being in the very center, which is our representation of VII. The Chariot (Cancer).  Referencing the Chariot Card, we see an Armored Figure, riding a Chariot, with 4 Kerubs of mixed elements (transmuted) drawing that chariot across the abyss.  Of course, the armored figure is void inside, and he himself is an aspect of the winged Horus carrying the Grail, ready to take flight from the land of duality to the Supernal Realms.  The Bride and Groom represent the Yin and Yang of this process, as we see clearly in the astrological sign for Cancer.


     The East/West Axis was composed of IX. The Hermit with Martian Retrograde in the east, and XVIII. The Moon with Mercury Retrograde in Pisces.  Returning our attention to Snakes, Scorpio (Mars rules Scorpio and it is the Sun sign of the bride), and with reference to the twin healing Kundalini snakes of the mercurial cadeuceus (Mercury rules Gemini which is the Sun sign of the Groom), the temple was of its own accord transmuted into universal force.  Whether they were aware or not, all participants were acting out their perfect void natures.  May that Wedding Day be blessed in eternal time.

     The groomsmen represented the masculine forms of the 4 elements, and the brideswomen the feminine aspect of the 4 elements.  The gesturing of the feminine and masculine elements, and their combining arm in arm representing the combination congruent with the 4 mixed kerubs on VII. The Chariot.

     With the amazing creativity of various aesthetic elements, and by working with astrologers and metalsmiths to time the wedding and craft their rings, The Bride and Groom entrained my life to their harmonious occasion.  Through my sincere acceptance of my task, I was able to grow.  I have so much gratitude for this opportunity to have participated, and especially for my role as officiant/magician.

     Even the recessional music, Requiem for a Tower, was cognate with the Martian influence that was necessary to carry us across the Abyss to our Divine home in the City of the Pyramids.  When I was finished with the ceremony, walking to the car with a determined human's thirsty intent on a drink of water, it was only then that I noticed the fine yellow woven into my gray ritual threads ... Horus of course; the Hawk Headed Mystical Lord.

Fractalled into my Brain

it hits me a little hard, the things that i fall into. i often wonder about the uniqueness of my experience here on earth. i like to feel special. no matter how much spiritual practice and progress I attain to; how clearly i can enjoy the Divine Protection of Formlessness ... still, right here, right now. This manifestation, this unique moment is infinite.

i dont want to mechanically change anymore, or give up on my humanity. or humanity at large. i forgive humanity, which is essential, because i forgive myself. i am flawed directly to my core; cut from the heel as a certain magickal school would have it. but its ok, because i know the big secret. the other humans are like me to. i just pretend less.

some people complain about how everything is so wrong with our world. some people run away from the world in some level or another. as unique as i feel, i do not desire a unique place in the world. i desire to participate in the currently unfolding universal. i dont want to travel the aethyr, or traverse outer space with my consciousness. i want to taste life in this body while i possess it, so that the quality of its aeternity is unsurpassed.

and what of love? my favorite topic.

perhaps im in some position underneath this solar/lunar moment, to discuss the love and war that is the dynamo of my uniqueness?

they tell you alternatively how to feel about your sex. whether you should liberate, deviate, repress or express. they tell you everything. ive never identified.

and love, that it is fleeting. rooted in attachments. something if not chemical (sexual), then the domain of poets and philosophers, sappy sentimentalists and the rest. 'sure its ok', they like to say. but make sure to recognize that it is a dualistic love/hate. be sure to recognize who you are really, and don't confuse one for the other. don't stay married. the flame will fizzle. when i say i love you i say i love all beings. when i say i love you i mean unconditionally.

well i say it is a veritable performative contradiction to throw it around as unconditional, when in the very saying do we sin against the true unconditional and loving nature in the backdrop of our reality.

i am sourced in unconditional love, it is true, but to think its something i have to do, something that i have to say in some equanimical way. something i have to demonstrate by not choosing who i think is worthy of my love.

i think there are a lot of souls suffering to love, and so they go fetal inside the bliss of the universe. i can not accept this, and i do not. im a man, not a pussy.

Unique Love is not True Love unless it is Permanent. does not fizzle into the backdrop of unconditional love/bliss, does not get reduced to the tantra's in sex, and emotion, and ego and the like. does not stop itself from causing great suffering or great spasms of divinity manifested. perhaps there has never been the chance of Aeternal and Unique, Personal and Permanent Love. if that is so, then i truly am unique. i am ready to cause a revolution in all that i can attempt to touch.  but i know that it is not so.  and i am spared such a curse as being consequential (perhaps.)

but i dont care for my results. i dont want for one certain thing, or some other thing. i just want to love. not love/hate, but love and war. not love and death. love and war. to Demand its Permanence as a testament to the AEternity of this body, and this life. i do not want for smaller loves, or freer loves. i want to be bound by choice and perforce of my nature to Love Totally, Permanently and without reservation the Chosen.

i understand duality, and my True Love is not so. i understand attachments and death, and cutting out the roots, and my True Love is not so. i understand sex and personality and timing and groove and biology, and my True Love is not so. i understand infinity, eternity, emptiness, and mass-less mass, and my True Love is not those things.

my True Love is True War. Shin Ken Sho Bu - to fight with real swords, or at least to the last blood. i have an excuse. im wired this way. a solar/martian/venusian conjunction in the ariesian fields of space. was it foretold 77 years before my birth ... was it?

i have enlightened my free will, and hence i have a destiny. i know them that are with me by things that drive but cant be described. and none of us shall die. but be lifted into the paradise that has been prepared. these things are real. these things are eternal. they are unique, and in a world of free will appear no different than your standard illusions. but this is no trick. beyond the silence of the immovable mountain, beyond the gnosis of the triple way; still farther, deeper, wider, larger; beyond that which is real; is destiny.

I have no reserve with myself because I already know that I'll meet you there. in the original star spate. wherefore these memories come, fractalled into my brain; telling me what is true, and what is Forever.

Watching the Box as the Changeless

Oh facebook. A ripe field of research? A waste of little moments, thoughts, and energies? A first glimpse of a connected oneness that is to be?

Sometimes I really want to hang up the experiment. After all, there is not much of a group of peers to compare notes with. Most magicians follow the stage illusionist's rule of "a good magician never reveals his secrets". This field is however about blaspheming in the face of the sphinx. To dare to share.

In the traditional way, the Magickal Record is a deeply personal simul-tracking of all that the Magician does and is. And this is very important for one reason; it gives you a definitive glimpse into your own Narcissism.

So, an electronic magickal record, an open book. All the nastiness and the beauty woven into the one rope of a human. Integration without shame happens by going through and not avoiding. And the internet is obviously something important in our evolution if we can but hold it together.

It is a science of how your friend's friend's friends effect and affect you. The prompt "what's on your mind?" in the status update bar beckons, tempts, and asks. And if we just become honest with our machines, perhaps they will be honest with us. It does not judge, but simply transmits. It is, in some sense, a perfect listener.

I support mechanization. I support the beautiful manifestation. I have hope that the Human/Machine complex will somehow rescue enough of the biosphere that we can still have feelings, and sex, and imperfections, and theater and all the beautiful biology that we depend on Mother for.

Just maybe, if we simultaneously embrace the bio-connection and the electro-integration, and self-annihilate them into a higher order of being on earth and among the stars; maybe I could live to breathe another planets air in this body, and not some 'other'. By utilizing with sincerity the electronic networks that objectify the ways in which we are bound; the good, the bad, and most importantly the currently ugly within us.

Just remember ... contracting onto the web allows the spider to recognize itself for what it is. If we all could but keep this in mind (mindfulness) while we observe and judge the information stream; we can indeed let go and have a good result. So that our 'real' lives are lived with more richness. So that the shallow, the vain, the tormented, the contracted, the embarrassed, the crude, the vile, and the human being can be left in the mechanized world. And we can go about our day as an eagle soaring above the electronic waters of putrefaction.

To knowingly Will to Dare to Share. Compressing the sphinx into the world of form is a Yoga when done with this sort of intent and awareness. It is the alchemical process of Turning Coal into Diamond, applying more pressure to the ego-knot in shorter spaces of time to generate heat (energy). A crucible where all the work can be processed, so once again, our lives may be lived free and without limit. It is fully inhabiting the manifestation as it is right now, and bringing that light into the darkness of a new world.

I think.

~~ Twenty Something Days ~~

settling now; calm, awake, energized
walking, running, moving, even in stillness
I move through this, all of this
changing each moment, letting go to gain

how can an eternity be hidden inside
each little chance I take at swallowing pride
twenty something days will drift so dreamily
and then we will all be together

to what ends, I have no idea
and in this does some vague terror lay
upon awakening in that moments arrival
to inherit joy and pleasure, fear no more

shifting ground beneath my feet
a horse devouring earth balanced in time
dancing, skipping, jumping, singing
because I am holding something important inside

and I maintain this veneer of a gentlemen's way
to respect that which my mother gave to me
and so really I am just waiting to look in your eyes
and eventually say very old words, and embrace warm hearts

it hasn't been yet twenty something days
since I followed an imperative I had buried in the deep
consecration comes in hidden places over time
and suddenly it was right in my face

falling fast, and falling hard
as my inexperience is wont to do
but, my feeling for you is increased
because you removed the ground underneath

and where I was thinking I would hit bottom
a formlessness was there as if a bed of cloud
an empty, vast, and luminous sky
birds fly

~~ Storming the Gates ~~

she's out there in the Aethyr
and I'm out there to
in different places at once
some real, some illusion, some dream

this sweet experience
tensile and ready to crack
splitting open long thoughts
letting light out and in, through, and around

that's right, a through-going force
a play of complex dualities
symbols of personality, slave to a dance
ordered by the gnosis

impressario of our souls, yours and mine
that long past point of separation
the guarantee of noble returns
the way back to heaven cannot avoid you
and I'm taking the gates by storm

I threw the deck, for emergency's sake
and it showed me my side of the street
how to pay the respect proper to divine graces
oh friend, teacher in life and lover in my heart

this is me failing at trying to spare you
the sentimental notions of contraction
that churn inside my complex system of wiring
each moment obsessing on you

the vast empty reaches somehow full of light
showing me death inside death upon death
and beyond in the truth, a great liberation
my path to the city of light is through you
and I'm taking the gates by storm

~~ Interior Earth !! ~~

I can't think very straight
it ain't right but its relief
and the conclusions I am jumping to
... no they really ain't right
I can't stop myself and I like it

the overwhelming experience
of overloaded energy circuits
breaking me down completely
so I get built up stronger again
and again and again, it ain't right

when I'm alone, you're here in my head
and I know when you've fallen asleep
because then you are more closely with me
and I often wonder where I wander in my dreams
'cause that sight for me is not yet constant

do I come to you? Like an honest soul would?
am I barred at the gates as impure?
strung up and cast out, back into my body
lying restless in bed barely holding on to sleep
I wonder about you, and it ain't right

ain't right just because, not as if something's wrong
just because it ain't right I keep holding on
because down there in the depths, I am talking to you
and denying whats written on the diamond in the earth
V.I.T.R.I.O.L., its all just praying for great rectification

the way it ain't right isn't right

The Weather and an F-Bomb

Its not that Magicians have ever been able to control the weather. However, these myths written in the old books point out something very interesting about the way Magick works.

Every real Mage knows that their best workings are always accompanied by the strangest weather phenomenon. Its one of the greatest blinds ever invented in the magickal books. The legend persists even today.

John Dee is said to have quashed the Spanish Armada with a single storm ... versions of the Legend have him running around Europe doing freaky sex acts to create a heptagonal transmutation circle ... but you know Prospero never needed such techniques; he lived on an Island.

I've even had experiences where it seemed as if the moon itself had opened a doorway through which I had only a certain time to pass ... and speed up my timing I certainly did. Drumming and learning about groove has certainly made Kung Fu, Magick, Dancing, and Sex much more intuitive for me than more experienced practitioners would like to accept (yet they remain in almost all cases attached to some kind of form [LAME!]).

Don't get me wrong, I love form. But Magick is about creating the perfect form to contain the ideal energy available in each moment. Some forms are REALLY flexible; but the form in the end result can never keep up with God, or what's really real; the Supermind.

Once, I created a fetish doll using the most nefarious of ingredients ... or perhaps I should say the most puissant of quintessences (it really all depends on how liberal you are, and whether or not you're afraid to die ... ). 120 and I consecrated it through some other ritualized deviousness (ignorance then and purity of heart saved us). Oh Jupiter, Fortune of Fortunes, did I name thee. On many planes of outreach and exploration did I receive a vision of love, and suddenly life collided into her.

The earthing of a being, who literally came to me in a dream, and I swear I am not lying, the clock read 4:18.

In another sense her name was Katrina, and after such potent uses of alchemical elixirs creating and ingestion and setting the pieces down to play out over vast stretches of time (my god how ignorant and beautiful was I), Katrina indeed had landed, and a city was no more ... evermore ... these coincidences will destroy the soul ... ergo ... delusions of reference become mechanisms of Growth and increasing perspective.

In fact, these chaotic attractors we tap from the future in the presently known; pull us through time. And we as magicians know the timing, and feel the groove, dance the dance, jazz up the recipe ... we are riffing on reality when we ceremoniously allow these chaotic attractors to retroactively enchant us backwards through time.

I won't even tell you about what I was up to when the east coast got an earthquake and a hurricane formed in 2011. Needless to say I checked my pride when it avoided turning NYC into a real concrete jungle.

The weather is just the weather. Even girl magicians are in their masculine when expressing the Magickal principle, because yin is always yin, and yang is always yang (thus spoke Wu Mei). You cannot control the weather because the weather is the feminine. The strange weather events have everything to do with you; but you have nothing to do with them. This is the case in the perception of all magickal phenomenon.

If you mistake the divine bliss for personal power ... you're fucked.

~~ the little love and the big Love ~~

I am the ever present Love
and as the ever present Love
I want the little love
a little love

to meet, to greet
in the woodlands or the street
yea through time in all now moments
I just want a little love

the me, the you
the two or the three so splendid you see
how yin and yang can both split into two
or not one, not two

the little love is huge
the biggest thing we can know
in the oft worshiped mind
so the purpose of mind is to want

just a little love

my ever present Big Love
encompasses my beautiful spark
of all the seeking for her and her
a little love, a little love

so my ever present Big Love
cannot be sullied by duality's game
and even my ever present Big Love
can Love in its Big Love
a little love

a little love

~~ Until You Come ~~

I don't care to be connected
or be a solitary
I don't mind to be included
or left alone just to be
I just want something to move me

I sit around looking lazy
performing a yoga only I see
wondering if it will turn out
that in the end I will be free
I swore an oath on bended knee

the entity towered over me
and I was bowing without any degree
of submission or acceptance
or with any sight to see
and yet still he commanded me

I can't escape, embrace, or deviate
stronger so when I attempt to flee
is the path that I keep walking
a free form destiny
Lord, please just keep me free

I will go anywhere, deny anything
embrace all ways or reject all pleas
just to, just to, just to, just to be
neither neither and infinite singular between
when will you take me more, God?

When I know that they're thinking
its time for me to act
when will you take me God?
these hands, this body, shall not endure
until it endures your constant embrace

the things I could do, create, and win
for the world, and for love, and grace within
I sacrifice all that could be
until you come
come and take me ....

~~ Perversion of Perfection As IS ~~

I Fly
I Soar
I Turn and Twist
wait for the Remix

Gonna Get That Dream
the misty high stream
of the longing mean
between hearts cracking open

the face, the smile
burrows inside a mile
and more within the trial
of missing, missing you

I Run
I Speed
I Flip and Tumble
generate a rumble

The Touch that I held back
is the seed inside my pack
a burden lacking any slack
but growing stronger everyday

Win or Lose, I don't care
Illusion's just the fare
I pay to lay it bare
my heart manifest

I Shine
I Transmit
I Play it Divine
knowing you catch the signs

Transformation is my simple Game
Change as a Constant on this dualistic Plane
of Perfection as Perversion of Perfection As IS
My Soul has got so much to show, for you to know

In the end I will keep silence
play it passive just the way that makes you crazy
over time and a little pressure
turning coal into hard perfection
as Perversion of Perfection As IS

Standards of Conduct in Spiritual Illusions

I often find much contempt within myself at the way in which so called spiritual folk believe, clearly in their minds, that they have possession of a right way. Concealed within an ideal, usually nowadays ascribed to ones capacity for hedonistic liberation ... it is to me laughable.

I support the right to life, and the right to find pleasure in ones life in whatever way one sees fit ... it is the judgmental result in the minds of some practitioners that I cannot abide by. For they do not practice, they seek only satisfaction in the end. Seeking true freedom and an end to bondage is also a seeking and therefore small compared to a wide catholic and integral way.

What sorts of morals could ever be communicated through some sort of rule being expressed in the mind, in the speech, in the conduct. Each moment, the life presents to us a possibility for infinite acceptance, for infinite freedom ... these things are not to be found in the astral/mental, or even higher subtle, causal, and gnostic planes.

I often wonder how much time and energy is wasted, in these days when efficiency is by all means relatively all important; in thoughts about the way; the right way; the only way. Holding judgment within the mind unexpressed does nothing to change what it does to the energy field. The morphogenetic result is the same whether it is expressed in the speech, in the action, in the emotions, or held back within the recesses of even an illumined mind.

When will we accept that even an illumined mind is still mind, and hence, not enough? Tears I will shed, and pain I will endure ... indeed will I do anything for love; but I won't do that.

Pilgrimage to the Temples of Damanhur

I planned on going to the Temples in Italy to not only get out of New York City, but to simply take advantage of a Sacred Space in which to do my own Spiritual Work. What I inevitably found in Damanhur was much more than I could have possibly imagined.

Of all the things I saw, experienced, and learned, what was most profound is the practical and thoroughly Magickal nature of the whole of the Damanhurian community. Am I still over the whole 'Guru gains followers and expands base of power in attempt to save/rule the world?' ... yes of course I am still over this. But while the founder Falco seems to have mixed feelings about his experiment in practical Alchemy growing into such large proportions, there is something deeper in the Damanhurian community which prevented me from reaching for a loaded wand.

In a few words, it's quite real. The Temples themselves are an ultimate Testament to this. They evoke memories of a distant past lived in other ego's ... and I don't even believe we bring ego with us as we transmigrate. But somehow, these temples pull out the experiences of my soul in past wanderings through the Earth plane. These things I rarely admit to being anything other than agnostic about, simply because the principles and applications in the Magickal community usually amount to nothing more than narcissistic fantasia. But again, maybe it was just the kool-aid; but there is something very real and very practical going on in Damanhur.

The key to realization is not in thinking it, but knowing it as something just as real as getting hit directly in the face. An example of this happening in Damanhur was not the beauty of the Temples, but in the practitioners they sent to guide us through the experience. I was most thoroughly impressed on a Magickal level by one Ornitorinco. I attended a lecture on Esoteric Physics expecting to be underwhelmed by some 'secret-esqu' pseudo philosophy. However, during the lecture; while most of my mind was completely engaged in learning from and absorbing Ornitorinco's vast intellect, the rest of it was exclaiming "Holy Shit, that's a Real Alchemist!". I freely admit it could have been his seriously sexy Italian accent ... but really it was like getting hit in the face, a real realization. In Damanhur, the shit is real. As Ornitorinco said "the universe may be an illusion, but it works!"

There is much else to be experienced in Damamnhur, such as an amazing education about self-sufficient permaculture and running a successful energy efficient eco-community. You can even learn about Art, and especially Alchemical Artistic expression. But for Magicians, the core of the community is in exploration of the Esoteric Field of research. And this means experimentation in various internal and external Alchemical Laboratories. It means a new breed of talismanic technology called 'Selfica' (not to be confused with the english word 'Self'). It also means a philosophy which is magickal, perennial, and philosophic to the core. This is not only expressed through lectures, but the temples themselves act as massive reservoirs of the True Knowledge. Anyone who has even the slightest grasp of Occult Philosophy will be completely and utterly blown open by the depth of knowledge preserved in the Art of the Temple Walls. I cannot express enough the purity of the philosophical base from which Damanhur operates. Right down to a Thelemic like emphasis on individuality, and even individuality as separate communal identities within the overall federation.

Damanhur, its philosophy, its citizens, are not a cult. They are a powerful new culture made up of people balancing a thoroughly eco-feminine sustainability and connection to Nature and Natural forces, with an amazingly masculine approach to philosophy, scientific inquiry into the field of esotericism, and the directionality to achieve the miraculous with ones own hands; in the practical realm. Fully grounded on earth, with their hearts open and minds reaching beyond the stars. As one of my companions said during the visit: "they really go through the whole spectrum here, from cleaning the toilet to talking to Aliens!" Indeed.

~~ Gods in the Process ~~

Materialized in duality
with an intuition of infinity
We struggle to stay immortal
with the promise of death ahead

Through suffering and crisis
of heart and mind
Do we realize the reality
of loves transformation

We Became Gods in The Process
Of living a dream
We Became Gods in The Process
Lucidity bears in this truth

Polarized bodies
attraction to the little death
Fickle or deep we offer
our seed in a puddle of bliss

Through disappointment
and illusion of destiny
do we fake the fantasy
of separation and soul

We Became Gods in The Process
Of living a dream
We Became Gods in The Process
Lucidity bears in this truth

Spiraling onward and upward
into the light of the thou art God
Matter to space to energy to time
Our perception turns to light

~~ Black Cat ~~

Down that open road, I go, I go
to some forward thinking mode
a feeling inside the chest, the heart
cradled by my living breath

A scent among the breeze
autumn comes at a distant speed
I turned back to look for you
but once again I've already gone

If it wasn't for this depth
a sense of anchor, purpose, and yet
a sadist view of self importance
a notion that I am

Maybe I would stay, perhaps
or maybe I would dance away
as I always seem to do
when I wish to stay awhile with you

Destiny meets with free will's call
I made the choice, I've made them all
it's a crucifix to be like me
sadly, its exactly how I like to be

I'm not good for anyone, anyway
because good is a sad comfort
boring, normal, a thousand faces sleeping
you can take whats good and shove it

My delight is in transcendence
so for now, ta ta
I have to go adventuring, learning
so when I cross your path again

you'll recognize a black cat when you see it

~~ Alterations ~~

Alterations at Anywhere by Aoiveae Luiahe

Upon an unchanged wind
does a fluttering dream transpire
to cast its altered glance
upon the seed of a desire

All is twisted and remarked
turned into spirals moving upward
and in the stream of programmed thoughts
a spark is swimming faster forward

these results which we entail
of alterations on the subtle spheres
reaching through the involution
evolution turns to tears

the greatest act is acting not
in simple moments spontaneity
do we confess the simple way
of compressed trans-duality

a phasing of the being
alters the instinctual ayre
and all are acting hence within
observing plays of differing pairs

who knows how such the unchanged wind
is in its nature that of change itself
for meaning is in love with memory
and truth is something called no-self

and what was before is turned to not
altering visions of all future's past
and in its place a vacuum abyss
by character impossible to last

Free Will has had its way with you
and its not that knot that is gonna choose
the wind remains unchanged
twas just the ego being altered

New Enochian Images

I've been re-envisioning the Enochian Image Archive. This first collection was a major success and will still be available for a limited time at:

Enochian Image Archive

For now, here is a preview of the new set:

0. Corpus Omnium



1. The Praising Watchtower of Energy



2. The Ministering Watchtower of Time



3. The Establishing Watchtower of Matter



4. The Confounding Watchtower of Space



The Great Table of Terra



The 93 Parts of the Earth



The Thirty (1) Ayres



Stare Long and Often!